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held

by juniper.lee

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1.
It was dawn, it was dawn And you observed my breath making its way into the winter river Radio chitter chatter and the hail pitter patters Just like when they knocked down our wooden door Red glowing eyes, our friends in disguise Pulling fire alarms, darling, these are times of war But I know I can’t leave my little sibling behind So I put out the dark thoughts that cross my mind
A lonely bottle of soju snores by my head You never know when it’s time to make an offering to the dead I’m sorry honey I feel a little out of my depths But can you feel beyond yourself? Do you remember what it’s like to be held? Can you feel beyond yourself? Do you remember what it’s like to be held? There was a time I Didn’t have to think, overcomplicate nor breathe in their poison The northern star, whispers in the wind, lying down cloud gazing Sticking and poking the hollow shells we had become Seize the paint and the brushes, turn the streets into what we’ve always dreamed of Can you feel beyond yourself? Do you remember what it’s like to be held? Can you feel beyond yourself? I ask myself if you were ever held? Now it’s dusk, now it’s dusk And we evaporate into the fumes of kitchen sorcery The shapes disappear but we’re always still here And we live on in those memories
2.
Cheonsa 01:32
I got away from your gaze that asked me to fix you but it's hard not to miss you and all the sparkling parts of you that draw me in I've gotta say I was procrastinating my own inner healing my focusing all my attention onto you oh it's so fucking hard not to think about you mhmmm but I've been wrapped around an angel her teeth so sharp, so bright we walk past volcanic rock that serenade us into a starry night void of light pollution and full of orange trees and we don't talk about no fixing I just get to be focused on me
3.
even though we both know that your teeth were sinking into my keratin I hear the chorus say that was unforgivable but I truly know that I can't let go of my faith in the way I haven't seen it all yet but I feel you the most I can't help but live on both sides and your tenderness is a ghost that is trying to reach you through me
4.
My frozen fingers thaw around our steel stove The snow on my boots melt into puddles of learning to release the tension Can we make out on this old mattress? Can we read out our favourite memories? I know that we’re on the same side, But are we on the same page? Little bits of wood crawl under my skin Feeling our yang and our yin, feeling this connection’s medicine Can we make out on this old mattress? Can we read out our favourite memories? I know that we’re on the same side, But are we on the same page? Every step down the icy trail of extreme danger and safety taken with intention, X2 sitting on spruce boughs and tobacco singing along with the birds in the dark we laugh by the melting candle grateful but melancholic under the north star Can we make out on this old mattress? Can we read out our favourite memories? I know that we’re on the same side, But are we on the same page? Every step down the icy trail of extreme danger and safety taken with intention, X2 set your intentions around the extremes of Our fear and our care Our love and our rage Are we on the same page? Can we make out on this old mattress? Can we read out our favourite memories? I know that we’re on the same side, But are we on the same page?
5.
everyone is out on the land while I'm feeding the cats and singing songs to the ghosts everyone is out and about while I'm reading the tao te ching and day dreaming about holding her hand
6.
fermenting 01:16
I'm not stale I'm fermenting I'll taste even better as we age they'll share no words cause most don't listen to the sage pushing zer way through debates tightly sealed inside she'll stay knowing to embrace the spices and the paste I knew it was you when the flag was burning upside I'd recognize those fumes from continents away I feel your message in the clouds I see it in the shapes I'm not rotten I'm fermenting I'll trade my thoughts for your understanding
7.
fruit flies 01:27
Fruit flies on a thank you way overdue Tear us apart and you’re left with the glue Our last incarnation on planet earth I tried to stay but I was left with more hurt I got swept up by the wave and fought with every cell I dragged myself out, holding onto every seashell Bloody fingernails, crabs crawl through my hair Can’t tell if this is real, but sirens tell me they were there
8.
gabrielle 03:28
I sleep on wooden floors And hide behind closet doors You clipped my dragon wings feather by feather Now I’m here stuck talking to your ghost They thought I was talking to the wall I guess they weren’t totally wrong Cause even on the other side you don’t listen Then one night the archangel came down and kissed my forehead To deliver the news that even on the other side you were dead Cause you’d turned into a bug I always knew that it was you who had been sucking my blood My blood
9.
I might be stuck here, but I’m not stuck I’ll no longer believe that I was never enough The more you take, the more I know that I’ve got In the name of a nameless name we’ll know that we fought
10.
duvet cover 02:02
And you don't seem to understand A shame you seemed an honest man And all the fears you hold so dear Will turn to whisper in your ear And you know what they say might hurt you And you know that it means so much And you don't even feel a thing I am falling, I am fading I have lost it all And you don't seem the lying kind A shame that I can read your mind And all the things that I read there Candlelit smile that we both share And you know I don't mean to hurt you But you know that it means so much And you don't even feel a thing I am falling, I am fading, I am drowning Help me to breathe I am hurting, I have lost it all I am losing Help me to breathe
11.
How do we sew the gap Like the heart shaped patch That covers your sweater logo ‘Cause I’m tripping on my laces Searching for what connects us In the dark There was always a dissonance Between the melodies in my mind And the noises around me that wanted to drown me out But I smile at the skunk on my midnight walk back home from work While the neighbours cat brushes off my thoughts I overthought over and over and over The prints of your art I hung up above the mattress on my floor watch over me
12.
I know that I'm gay when I see you That's how I know that I'm gay, when we hold hands I know that I'm gay I know that I'm gay I know that I'm gay but I don't want to say it don't wanna overstep we just went through so much this is not the time or place to address it but I feel like maybe you feel that too the giddy tickles when we hold hands as the cops come down to harass us psychological warfare it's a lot it's so much but I know that I'm gay and I think everyone here knows it that I'm gay for you I'm gay for you I'm not just gay I'm gay for you
13.
I'm sitting this one out In the backseat of your disagreement I'm dodging all your shouts All we are are our memories
14.
she fits inside my palms gives me bird kisses her eyelashes so long I could fall into her feathers and lay there forever forever....
15.
Sometimes I can't tell if you're coming or going Till the fluorescent lights find the nape of your neck Curled up in the shade of that bridge in El Paso Run my hand through the sand and find a warm silver key And you think about dogs back home holding roses And a bed, and the brain that won't let you alone Watch your chest rise and fall, tiny sobs by the highway Where the days stretch out empty and the nights get so cold Last summer I tried just to black out the pain While the sunlight pulled chemical knives through my brain I took the 73 to your slum up in Maple Held the hand of a stranger just to give it away Pull my knees to my chest, push my face to the floor Throw the weight of your body at my bedroom door I climb out of the window and stumble into the street And just bury myself in the people I meet Open mouths interlaced, who I am starts to blur Fall asleep with our mutual destructions assured A fist full of shrooms, drive my car up the coast Don't know how long I've been gone but baby I'm coming home

about

unreleased recordings from my voice memo app <3

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released February 6, 2024

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about

juniper.lee Vancouver, British Columbia

(they/them)

email: juniper.lee.music@gmail.com

Music made on the unceded, ancestral and traditional territories of the xʷməθkʷəy̓əm (Musqueam), Səl̓ílwətaʔ (Tsleil-Waututh), and Skwxwú7mesh (Squamish) peoples ... more

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